Lost

This past weekend was a treatment weekend for me.  While, yes, chemo does in fact suck, I generally have little to complain about, as I am "cruising through it" (in the words of my Dr., and the chemo techs).  One thing I do not enjoy is the lost time. 

This past weekend, thanks to my new work schedule, on Thursday, I worked a 6 pm- 4:30 am shift and after work, and then drove the 170 miles into my treatment appointment (at 8:30 am Friday).  After the roughly 5 hour appointment which involves blood work then poisoning (and which I pulled a 3 hour nap during the poisoning since I am just sitting in a chair), I went to the Hope House (local hospice offering free temporary residence during treatment), and went back to sleep for the evening about 5:30 pm.  I woke up at 11 pm and was awake until about 6 am.  I pulled another short nap and woke about 10 am so I could drive home and be with the family.

This new schedule is not fun, as I feel lost on the weekends trying to get things accomplished.  I do not like the idea of losing complete days when I have things I would like to accomplish.

As you may know (if you are a frequent visitor here), I have chosen to attempt to cover a total of 2,013 miles this year for the Hope House and donate $1 for every mile I cover.  Part of that goal is to run 1,000 miles, with the rest made up bicycling throughout the year.  I am falling short of the running goal average so far, having covered a little over 50 miles so far.  I could choose to get angry or worked up about it, but I am choosing to relax and let it go, knowing that there are still 11 months to go and I have time.

As I was reading over at Middle Places (a blog written by my wife and several of her people) Monday, Dana wrote about mountains and mole hills.  She too is undergoing the 1,000 mile challenge and understands the idea.  Several quotes for you, "Little by Little, one travels far." JRR Tolkien and chinese proverb attributed to Lao Tzu "The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step."

I know I am falling short, but I know every day I get out there I am traveling further towards that goal.  I need to set aside the issues I am facing (particularly the peripheral neuropathy which is my main side effect of the chemo).  I just need to lace up the shoes and hit the door.  Get out and do something! Positive steps in the right direction will add up towards completion of this goal.

I have a 10K I hope to complete on February 23rd.  I have several 5K runs on back to back weekends the end of March.  I am hoping to be moving in the near future back to a teaching position at my component's basic academy.  I have a sprint triathlon scheduled for June 1, and a half and a full marathon towards the end of the year.  I just need God's go ahead on all these items and for Him to clear the path of resistance.  That is the ONLY way I will accomplish these goals.

The mileage goals, I do not consider a celebration of MY abilities.  I know I can only complete these successfully if God is assisting me.  I have a weakness, I do not see limitations as to what I can do and usually will go overboard and end up injured or burned out in trying to reach a goal.  I need God's guiding hand helping me to get where I want to be.  And having taken pretty much the entire last year off any type of training endeavor, I know I have a very long way to go to even come close to being physically fit enough to meet these goals.

That is, in part, where my desire to relocate comes in.  While I was working at my academy, I was part of a running group.  Participating in runs with them kept me motivated and on a schedule that allowed for rest and recovery.  In my head, I am thinking that I can get close to 70 miles for this moth with only 3 days left and about 18 miles down from that point.  I ran a spur of the moment 13.1 miles a little over 2 weeks ago, so what is 6-10 miles a day for the next three days? Probably too much.  I do not know if my PN battered feet could handle the pounding.  I do not know if my body needs that kind of stress.

I know I COULD do it, but it would be at a high price.   And that price might cause me to sacrifice the big picture.  I must remember the little by little.  I must work towards the goal with knowledge and common sense.  I must be careful and remember my weaknesses are there, not to limit me, but to help me make wiser choices.  God can use my weaknesses paired with His timing to make this happen.  I just need to slowly build up to where I need to be to make the longer runs more productive and less punishing.