Not Afraid

My taste is music is extremely eclectic.  I can listen to and enjoy almost anything, depending on my activity or my mood.  Tonight while I was out walking, I was listing to some music and thinking.  I had created a playlist from my music library that is geared towards running when I can consistently make that happen again.

While I was enjoying the music, the song "Not Afraid" by eminem came on.  Now I am not particularly a huge fan of eminem, but the last part of that song just struck me this evening.

Basically it is a song about eminem's struggle and journey towards recovery from addiction, to which on some small level I can relate.

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
To take a stand, to take a stand
Everybody, everybody
Come take my hand, come take my hand

We'll walk this route together through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin' you know that you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Tryin' to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you

I've been through the ringer, but take it through little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef flingers

No more drama, from now on I promise to only focus
On handlin' my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it

The verses that really got my attention were the third from last and last printed here.  I can understand quite well what he is saying here in the third from last.  The changes I made in my life were changes I knew I needed to make and I made them based on my desires; however, I knew the changes needed to be made if I was ever to attain my primary goal of recovering my family and my wife.

In the last verse, he (like me) knows he needs to focus on being a father.  That is one of many areas I failed.  I figured that I had a job, that took precedence.  I know better now, especially realizing the things I have missed.

So I will admit an eminem song (and a bit of chemo brain) had me sobbing during my walk.  Sometimes, a message can come from anywhere.  Who would have thunk it?

Sir Robin

The Coat-of-Arms to the left is from one of the funniest movies (IMHO) ever made, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In this movie, there is a character portrayed by Eric Idle:  Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir-Launcelot.  Sir Robin was a very brave knight until the first sign of danger arose, then he would loose his battle cry, "Run Away!" and flee.

Sometimes I feel like Sir Robin.  I can wake up, eat up the Word, get all prayed up, then leave my house and at the first sign of adversity I crumble and flee to my "safety zone."  I find myself failing to confront sin, failing to speak the words I feel impressed to speak, failing to do that which would be difficult or uncomfortable because the odds of failure seem too high.  Failing to trust that whatever is put before me, I have been given the power and strength to confront it.

Following theme blogjacked from a small portion of Messy Church: A Multigenerational Mission for God's Family by Ross Parsley (Free for until July 23rd on Amazon, and a great read!).

This is not a new story, it has been around for a long time, it is even recorded of the Israeli Army in the Battle of Elah (1 Samuel 17:19-24 KJV):

"Now Saul, and they [three of David's brothers], and all the men of Israel, were in the valley of Elah, fighting with the Philistines.  And David rose up early in the morning, and left the sheep with a keeper, and took, and went, as Jesse had commanded him; and he came to the trench, as the host was going forth to the fight, and shouted for the battle.  For Israel and the Philistines had put the battle in array, army against army.  And David left his carriage in the hand of the keeper of the carriage, and ran into the army, and came and saluted his brethren.  And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, out of the armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the same words: and David heard them. And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid."

David, a mere boy, is completing a task his father commanded of him: deliver some bread and cheese to three of his brothers who are with the Army of Israel, and bring back news of the battle.

The armies are lined up and fully arrayed for battle, as David arrives (he left early in the morning after taking care of his responsibility with the sheep-he left them with a keeper-personal responsibility-post for another day) the army is going forth to battle and shouting its battle cry!  The army is READY! They are going to FIGHT!

Then look what happens: as David spoke with his brothers while they were heading towards the battle, Goliath came forward.  Reading 1 Samuel 17:4-7 (KJV), his physical description alone is terrifying, his physical presence very much more so.  In 1 Samuel 17:8-10 (KJV), Goliath was laying down a pretty heavy challenge.  Goliath vs the best Israel could send out.  Bring it!  And in verse 24, what was the response?

"And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid."

Can we fault the army of Israel, when we run from much less? Lord, give us (me) the strength to stand up for Truth, to not run from the first sign of difficulty, to know You are in control and have ordered my steps (Proverbs 20:24-NIV)

Don't worry, it gets better God provides.  Keep reading in 1 Samuel to see how! (Cliffhanger enough for you...lol).

SELFISH PRAYER REQUESTS OF THE DAY:
Standing order:
Healing from the colon cancer and metastasized liver.
Complete reconciliation with my wife (that I can communicate effectively and love her as she deserves).
Health and safety of my children.

New-ish:
Side effect free chemo round (even with new, more aggressive drugs).
Medical bills which are accumulating (that I can return to work to pay these).My personal/spiritual growth.
My motivation to work-out. (1 Timothy 4:8-NIV "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.")

Praise/Thanks Report:
No real surprises at Dr appointment concerning blood tests. Many numbers improved, but the big one (Tumor Marker) was not run this time.
Started new med in chemo run. This one is intended deplete blood supply to tumors, may also cause spikes in my blood pressure (constant monitoring during administration, no issues- Thank You Lord!!).
Dr. said running will not be an issue. I can do any exercising I think my body can handle (just need to NOT overdo it).
BabyGirl had dental appointment.  Confirmed no nerve damage to broken tooth.  Tuesday, will reconstruct epoxy tooth.  (And estimate was wonderfully inexpensive-just makes me happy with everything else going on- Thank You Lord!!)

Workout Report
New
This is the second post today, not doing two-a-day workouts too.  Probably going to walk later.

Repeated
Since June 3, have lost 22 pounds, don't know how since I have not been active and have eaten whatever.
Currently at 208 pounds, lowest weight since December 2003.
Wouldn't mind getting down to about 185, but slowly!!
Training for the "26.2 with Donna, The National Marathon to Fight Breast Cancer"  February 17, 2013 in Jacksonville, FL.  Join me there!