CAVEAT: I am neither a biblical scholar nor am I a relationship expert. I have failed in both categories numerous times in my past. {And, yes, I took the picture to the left. Thank you.}
There is a book that was popular a couple years ago, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I am by no means promoting that book, as I have no idea what the contents are or how they align with Biblical principles of marriage and spousal relationships. I merely mention it because I always thought the title was interesting. As a man, I know I sometimes wish there was an instruction manual for caring for me, almost as much as I wish I had one for my wife. The one thing I have learned (ok, not the only thing, but a HUGE thing) from marriage:
Men and women are different.
Do I win the "Understatement of the Year" award for that bombshell? If I were a superhero, I could be Captain Obvious for loosing that gem on the world.
Even from the very beginning it was that way: man was made from dirt and woman from bone.
We have different ideas of how to handle things. We have different needs and desires. We are wired differently with our senses. In Ephesians 5, Paul instructs men and women very differently in how they are to love their spouses. It points to the differences between man and woman and caters to basic needs that each desires from a perspective of how they need to be loved.
I am going to concentrate on the man side of things since one of the main purposes of this blog is what I am learning/need to learn. I share because, perhaps, there is at least one other person who could be inspired, or more likely warned, from my journey.
Ephesians 5:25-29 (AMP)
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless]. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church."
My thoughts:
1. Husbands, love your wives: pretty straight forward command. We are supposed to love our wives.
2. as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her: we are given more precise direction in the "How" we are supposed to love our wives. We should place her before us, we should be willing to sacrifice for her: sacrifice our time for her needs, our desires for hers, our comfort for hers...our everything to demonstrate how much we love and wish to care for our spouse.
3. So that He might sanctify her: two definitions of sanctify-to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use : consecrate, and to free from sin : purify. We need to set our wives apart from all other women. She needs to be ours alone, the one we worship (inasmuch as worship meaning "a reverent love and devotion"). Note the second definition of sanctify (to free from sin : purify). This implies we need to be concerned with her spiritual condition as well. We need to lead our wives spiritually.
4. having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word: As a spiritual leader, we should involve our spouse in Bible study, helping her (and us) to remain in the Word and experience its cleansing power. [There is a deeper theological perspective on this phrase explained deeply and well here, but I am sticking to the more generalized interpretation.]
5.That He might present the church ti Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing [that she might be holy and faultless]: do you feel a sense of pride when you are in public with your wife on your arm? You should. Jesus cleansed His bride so He could have her looking great when He presented her. Everything was in order and she was beautiful. We should ensure our wives have the opportunity to be beautiful (spiritually). She will always be beautiful in our eyes (physically).
6. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies: in this portion, I am glad for the Amplified text, without it the verse reads much differently to me: "love their wives as their own bodies." Well, to me that is unfair to her since for a very long time, I did not love my body or do much to take care of it. We need to treat our spouse as a part of who we are, not a separate entity. In Genesis, it says "the two shall become one" and "flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone." We are one, if she is injured I am injured. If she hurts, I hurt.
7. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church: Even if we have poor body image, we still go through the basic care of our body. We need to nourish (keep fed on a diet of the Word) our spouses. Nourishment also allows for growth, we should feed our spouses so they can grow into who God wants them to be. We need to carefully protect (jealously guard) our spouses. We spend more money, time, and energy protecting our "stuff" than we do our spouses. We need to ensure her well-being and safety, as well as surrounding her in a sense that she knows she is important to us. We need to cherish (to care for fondly : nurture; or to cling fondly or inveterately to) our spouses. I like the word "inveterately," it means "firmly established through long persistence." Should not our pursuit of our spouse be long and persistent? Especially, even after we have captured them! That is how Jesus loves the church, and the perfect example of how we [men] are meant to love our wives.
It is beautiful. It is perfect.
1. Husbands, love your wives: pretty straight forward command. We are supposed to love our wives.
2. as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her: we are given more precise direction in the "How" we are supposed to love our wives. We should place her before us, we should be willing to sacrifice for her: sacrifice our time for her needs, our desires for hers, our comfort for hers...our everything to demonstrate how much we love and wish to care for our spouse.
3. So that He might sanctify her: two definitions of sanctify-to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use : consecrate, and to free from sin : purify. We need to set our wives apart from all other women. She needs to be ours alone, the one we worship (inasmuch as worship meaning "a reverent love and devotion"). Note the second definition of sanctify (to free from sin : purify). This implies we need to be concerned with her spiritual condition as well. We need to lead our wives spiritually.
4. having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word: As a spiritual leader, we should involve our spouse in Bible study, helping her (and us) to remain in the Word and experience its cleansing power. [There is a deeper theological perspective on this phrase explained deeply and well here, but I am sticking to the more generalized interpretation.]
5.That He might present the church ti Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing [that she might be holy and faultless]: do you feel a sense of pride when you are in public with your wife on your arm? You should. Jesus cleansed His bride so He could have her looking great when He presented her. Everything was in order and she was beautiful. We should ensure our wives have the opportunity to be beautiful (spiritually). She will always be beautiful in our eyes (physically).
6. Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies: in this portion, I am glad for the Amplified text, without it the verse reads much differently to me: "love their wives as their own bodies." Well, to me that is unfair to her since for a very long time, I did not love my body or do much to take care of it. We need to treat our spouse as a part of who we are, not a separate entity. In Genesis, it says "the two shall become one" and "flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone." We are one, if she is injured I am injured. If she hurts, I hurt.
7. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church: Even if we have poor body image, we still go through the basic care of our body. We need to nourish (keep fed on a diet of the Word) our spouses. Nourishment also allows for growth, we should feed our spouses so they can grow into who God wants them to be. We need to carefully protect (jealously guard) our spouses. We spend more money, time, and energy protecting our "stuff" than we do our spouses. We need to ensure her well-being and safety, as well as surrounding her in a sense that she knows she is important to us. We need to cherish (to care for fondly : nurture; or to cling fondly or inveterately to) our spouses. I like the word "inveterately," it means "firmly established through long persistence." Should not our pursuit of our spouse be long and persistent? Especially, even after we have captured them! That is how Jesus loves the church, and the perfect example of how we [men] are meant to love our wives.
It is beautiful. It is perfect.
Don, you are an amazing writer!
ReplyDeleteThank you Heidi.
DeleteYes you are!
ReplyDeleteThank you La-La
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