Even if...

There is a song out there right now which deeply touches me. It makes me think, and yes, it has made me cry a time or two.

The song is "Even If" (fan video NOT official video) and the group is Kutless. I have been a fan of the band for several years, especially since they have been doing the power ballad/praise and worship sound. It really sounds great and they have wonderful song writers working with them.

I feel that the band has a wonderful ministry going and pray that God can continue to use them for His glory in the future.

EVEN IF lyrics

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

Lord we know your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come

Even If lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Songwriters: WOOD, TONY / KRIPPAYNE, SCOTT

I can understand the message of the song. I continually pray for healing and believe that it will be; however, I know His plans are greater than my plans and "Even If" the healing never comes, He is still worthy of my praise.

As I ponder the song lyrics, I am currently undergoing chemotherapy for colon cancer which has metastasized to my liver. (Literally, I am at the Allison Cancer Center in Midland, Texas with IVs pumping the poisons into my body right now). The song reminds me of Job.

Job is an interesting book. Since it is, chronologically, the first recorded book of the Bible, it is probably also among the first stories ever written down.

Job had everything going for him. Great family, great wealth, great reputation, great health. Based on Satan challenging God that 'sure, it is easy for Job to praise you when everything is wonderful, but will he do so if things are not so good?'

So God allowed Job to be tested by Satan to the extent that everything could be taken, save his life.

Job had a rough time of things, losing his wealth, family, and health. While the Bible doesn't record specifically how long Job's testing lasted, Jewish tradition states he was afflicted for between one and seven years. That would truly be a long trial (from the health point of view with the boils he suffered).

To make matters worse, he was visited by his three "friends" who were convinced that Job was being punished for some secret sin which he needed to confess, and his wife told him to just curse God and die.

Job maintained his righteousness and refused to curse God, in fact, he continually gave reasons why he was praising God through the trial:

• He is good and loving (Job 10:12).
• He is all-powerful (Job 42:2; 37:5, 23).
• He notices every detail of my life (Job 23:10; 31:4).
• He is in control (Job 34:13).
• He has a plan for my life (Job 23:14).
• He will save me (Job 19:25). (For I KNOW my Redeemer lives!!!!)

Job set the example of "grace through suffering" and, in the end, was rewarded with a double portion, a two-fold increase on all that he had lost.

I am not to the point where I am even tempted to curse God for my "trials." I hope to maintain the strength I have had so far. I wish to be an example similar to Job for others to see God's grace through my adversity.

Dear Lord, I do not need to know the why. Yes, I want You to heal me and believe You can. My healing is not a challenge to You nor is it contingent upon me praising You. You are worthy of praise regardless. Let me be an example for others of who You are and let my mouth be constantly full of Your praise.

Rejoice and be glad!

Oh my soul...

Today is a good day.

To elaborate, God is in control.  He has forgiven me.  He heals me.  He has redeemed me.

I am currently experiencing some rather inconvenient (not painful or sickening) side effects from the chemo therapy, at least what my research on the symptoms potentially links as an allergic reaction to the newest drug which was added to my cocktail last weekend.  The inconvenient side effect: itchy palms of my hands and soles of my feet, which has expanded to general itching all over.

When discussing the issue this morning with my (x)Wife, we were prayerfully discussing (through texts) options and claiming God's truths and promises.  I was given Psalm 103: 1-4.  It is the truth.

Psalm 103:1-4 (KJV)

"Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.  Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;"

Every part of us need to be praising God for what He has done (His benefits):

• He forgives us!
• He heals us!
• He redeems us!
• He loves us!

Therein lies our focus! (Had to use this. ;) )

Rejoice and be glad!  With this truth, how can any day NOT be a good day?

Reboot

43 years, 2 months, and 3 days: Gone.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life; a life which is dedicated to reclaiming my family, my wife, and my health.

1. My family: for the past nearly 4 years, my four fantastic children have lived in Georgia and I have lived in NM and/or TX.  This must change, especially as the boys age.  They need a father in their life, they need me.
2. My wife: I made mistakes. Biggest mistake: I stopped trying to pursue her and gave up.  I lost hope that I could ever hold her in my arms again; that I could love her like she needs to be loved.  She completes me, I need her.  She deserves a much better me than she had before.
3. On June 4, 2012, I was notified there was something wrong with my innards based on an x-ray and a CT scan.  After a referral to an oncologist, I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer which has spread to my liver.  My Dr. has "realistically" informed me that I will most likely be undergoing chemo therapy for the rest of my life.  I "realistically" have no problem with that, though it will get annoying in 20-30 years to still be dealing with this (joke).  I do not believe the statistics, I hold that there can be a dynamic reversal of the cancer based on prayer and belief.  I am claiming complete healing.

Ephesians 4:22-24 (NKJV)

"...put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, to true righteousness and holiness."

Too bad we, like a computer, cannot just reboot when we encounter a flaw in our operating.  Too often, I have seen a flash in my life of the "blue screen of death" which Microsoft users used to get quite often, only it was because I had erred.  Simply pressing the power button and conducting a reboot to get everything working right again would be nice.  So, here I go...

REBOOT!