I admit it, I'm needy.

Total Honesty Time.

I am a sad, desperate, needy creature.

There, I said it.  Whew, what a relief getting that off my chest.

I am starving for love.  I get lonely in this home all alone when everything I love is many miles away.

As many of you are aware, I am undergoing chemotherapy for Stage IV colon cancer.  One of the wonderful (italicized to indicate sarcasm) gifts that come with chemotherapy is Chemo Brain, the semi-uncontrollable emotions and occasional short term memory issues the poisons bring.

I am usually an emotional wreck for several days post treatment.  Now that I am back to work again after 3 months off, I do my best to NOT think about things which could potentially trigger an emotional outpouring (usually manifested through crying like a toddler).  In order to assist me in combating this issue, I have started hand-copying the Psalms in a composition notebook to help my mind focus on something which calms and strengthens me.  Granted, I started at Psalm 1 and am writing them out in order as the need arises, but I tend to read Psalms often to help me focus as well.

Today, I was reading Psalm 86; in particular, verses 1-5 (KJV):

"Bow down thine ear, O Lord, hear me: for I am poor and needy. Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.  Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.  Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee."

After reading this and thinking about it for a bit and how very applicable it is to my current condition, the inner voice in my head (the one which can actually carry a tune) was singing the hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour."

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee. 

Lyrics by Annie Hawks, Music by Robert Lowry

This song sums up my needs.

I need Thee, Lord.  I am powerless to do this on my own.  Only You can strengthen me to face this.  I am a small child crying for my Father to hold me.  I am lost and needing direction, and only You can light my way.