Hmmm...seems I have been a tad slack of late.

Ok, it has been about 6 weeks since I have graced this blog with a new entry. Not to make excuses, but I have been a combination of very busy and very lazy at the same time. A bit contraindicative, I know.

But to give you a run down, here is what has been going on:

I have transitioned to my former position (temporarily). I am teaching again and have picked up on my former projects there and a few new ones too. I have been here since February 23 and averaging about (with commute time to/from work) 70-75 hours a week. This leaves me a bit drained by the time I get home and there I just want family time.

I have also attempted to transition to a local oncologist on the hopes it would free up some time that has historically been spent in commute to Midland. This turned out to be a nightmare since the local office is not able to provide same day lab/dr visit/chemo nor are they available on weekends to remove the chemo pump. My former treatment schedule allowed for labs, visit, chemo on Friday and disconnect on Sunday limiting time required away from work. Here would be several appointments a week with 45 minute drives to each, in total, it would be more time than the former model so I am back in Midland where I will deal with the lack of a life plan just for the least interfering with work option so I can still get paid.

That last statement said, thanks to the "sequestration" and swatting flies with an ax/lack of nonpartisan cooperation in the interest of the country/malfeasance by our elected officials contrary to budget laws/knee-jerk reactions and instructions to make the "sequestration hurt", I am facing a 25-40% pay decrease due to furlough and loss of standardized overtime which has historically been required in the job. Aside from the lack of overtime, this will also reduce the effectiveness of all operations unless a massive number of employees are added to cover the loss of work hours (but that won't happen since it would cost money too). So I hope you can all sleep well (especially if you live/work in a border community where the overall security will be primarily affected). And for the rest of you, this will be a trickle through effect where you will start noticing things soon as well, so thank Congress and the President for this joyful time.

Anyway, sorry to get on my soap box, but it does tie in a bit with where I am going in today's post.

It was very easy to start talking about what is going on with me right now. Sure, I try to be pretty transparent in general, but sometimes things just start flowing out.

The question comes: why are some topics easy to speak on and others not so much? When was the last time (if you are a Christian) you have shared your testimony, faith, or what God is doing in your life?

Sure, I hear you, 'but I do not have the gift of Evangelism' or 'I do not feel lead to share with people.' I understand your arguments, and have been know to self-justify in this manner, too. But I encountered something while I was read in the Bible the other day that hurt my feelings...

"for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard." Acts 4:20 {ESV}

A little background on the passage. Flipping back to chapter 3, where this story starts (a bit further for more context if you need to), Peter and John were still going to Temple during the hour of prayer. They heal a beggar and the people are astonished. Peter and John begin teaching about Jesus and presenting the Gospel. The priests, captain of the temple and Sadducee were less than thrilled (ESV states they were greatly annoyed) with this teaching. After a bit of self counsel they decide not to martyr them in hopes of letting the story just die down and ward Peter and John not to speak of it again among the people. Peter and John school them “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.” (Acts 4:19-20)

It is the last part that really hits me. They have seen and heard things they cannot keep in. They are sharing it regardless of the offense it causes. The story of Jesus is VERY offensive because it tells people they are wrong, they are broken, they are sinners. But it also offers hope and a way out of the pit. It is just hard to get to that part before people will tune you out, walk away, or start an argument where they will not let you finish.

We are afraid to offend in these "politically correct" days. We are called closed-minded, simple-minded, intolerant, bigots, or hateful for identifying sin based on Biblical principles. The liberal/libertarian (sorry folks) concepts of "live and let live" or "if it doesn't hurt anyone else let it be" has taken firm root in this country. It is contrary to the Gospel. We cannot "Coexist" with sin. We are to flee from it and call it out when we see it.

Going back to an old-school CCM song from Petra, I don't want to be a man-pleaser, I want to be a God-pleaser. We need to firmly grasp that which we know to be true and never back down. We need to share our faith and testimony (and there are tactful ways to do so without standing on a street corner and screaming). Read the New Testament again, rarely was this the approach used by the Apostles or Jesus himself. Generally, it was on a personal basis. Getting to know someone and building a relationship, or finding someone who was hurting and reaching out.

Segue...in the 3rd Chapter, it mentions the location where Peter and John were preaching as Solomon's Porch (or portico, depending on your translation). I have loved that name for a very long time and have greatly desired to one day be the proprietor of a coffee shop by that name. It has lately returned to me and several other concepts have been revealed to me which would be interesting additions/features of such an enterprise: Christian lending library, offering on-site office space to volunteer counselors/pastors to have them available, a space for music groups to perform, meeting room (ideally upstairs "the upper room"). 

Of course, for a long time I have also wanted to train people in computer software use to help increase skills of youth/adults and aid them in their career pursuits. I have been blessed with skills that have helped me and I know the value it can add to marketability. I think it would be a decent offering to do on site as well.

So, if you are independently wealthy and feel like dropping a huge chuck of change my way to get this going, you can contact me for more details. :)

Another topic...my musical taste is VERY eclectic. I appreciate music and enjoy many flavors/styles. Historically, I am a horn player, so if it has horns it will get my attention. I missed the American Ska phase and the Christian Ska revival in its prime, but have been reliving it through Pandora. One of my preferred groups, Five Iron Frenzy, is releasing a new album soon so I have been listening to them a lot lately. It makes me want to start playing again.

If (God-willing), I am selected to return her on a more permanent basis in the near future, I want to assemble a 4-5 piece brass section and, aside from wanting to play with a praise band/orchestra, I want to put together a repertoire of Christmas Carols and do some seasonal performances locally. Every year there is a Christmas light display/boat ride "Christmas on the Pecos" down in Carlsbad and I think that would be a good location/opportunity. So, again, if you are in the Roswell/Artesia/Carlsbad area and are a brass player (trumpet/cornet, baritone, french horn, trombone, tuba) or know someone who is, let's talk.

Blog Redirect

Hey everyone, I am blogging over at Middle Places today.  My wife and the fine ladies there have asked their other halves to do guest posts this week in honor of Valentine's Day.  I am obviously the favored one since I get the Day itself.

Just kidding, my dearest usually does the Thursday so it was just the luck of the draw.

Anyway, head on over there and give my post a ponder (and stick around to read other great posts from the great ladies there).

Thanks for stopping by.

Too Young to Die

I get a bit thinkerly sometimes and a word or phrase will stick in my head.  If it were song lyrics, it would be considered an "ear worm," that song or portion of a song that stalks your subconscious and you swear you hear it everywhere or that just never fades out and provides a distraction, usually at an inopportune time.  But I tend to just get bits and pieces of a phrase and it causes me to think about it in depth; sometimes, much more than needed.

Today, the phrase "too young to die" has been on my mind.

Sure, the implications and depth of the phrase are troubling (from personal application especially), but I disagree with he complete concept.  Having a Judeo-Christian world view, I have to disagree with it.

I am NOT a five-point Calvinist in my theology, but I do believe things are preordained to happen.

If, God has numbered our days, how can we die too young? Sure, I understand the sentiment: very young and there was the potential for way more life had s/he lived.  And it always seems like a tragedy when a child passes.  But there is always a plan behind it.  We may never know what that is, but we are called to have faith and believe it to be true.

Newtown, Columbine, Aurora, and so many other things are truly tragedies, but they were ordered long ago.  Could something have been done to prevent these? Depends on your world view.  I think not.  Does that make me a cynic? Again, I think not.  I feel it makes me someone who has faith in My God that His ways are not my ways and His plans are bigger than mine.

I think, by way of analogy, the story of Lazarus from John 11:20-22 {ESV}:

So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house.  Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”

Yes, there is more to it, Jesus weeps, Lazarus comes forth, and all that, but I think the message is in these verses since it is OUR reaction to death: Why did God allow this to happen?

Why do we question God?  We need to just believe that there was a purpose and a plan for the event.  It is a hard sell, I admit.

When my time comes, I really don't want anyone to question why or think I was too young to die.  I want to have lived in such a way that there can be a celebration of what was and all to be assured that I have finally found rest.

Remiss and Remission

Just a thought.  The words remiss and remission came to mind today.  don't really know why, but it happens sometimes.  For similar root words, the definitions are very different.

To be remiss is to be negligent in a duty; while, remission is the cancellation of a debt or the temporary alleviation of pain or disease.

Two simple words, three letters added to the first to create the second.  Polar opposites. 

I have been remiss in my attention to this blog.  I have not been very consistent in my writing the past week or so.  I have also been remiss in the pursuit of my goals.  I have not run yet this month and the last several days of January have also been silent for me.  Not much I can offer by way of excuse other than I just have not been feeling it.

I have plans to get back on track and do not feel I am in an irrecoverable position yet.  It will be a bit of work, but highly possible.

Remission is something I am both thankful and hopeful for, based on the two potential definitions of the word.

I am thankful for the remission of sin through the sacrifice and subsequent ressurrection of Jesus.  He paid my sin debt and I am ever thankful for that.  I also am hopeful and praying for remission (and complete recovery) of/from my cancer.  I know God has the power.

Do NOT misunderstand, I am not laying out fleeces to test God nor am I claiming it as the only outcome I will accept and lose faith if things do not work out my way.  As it stands, I want and am actively seeking remission through prayer, lifestyle change, and diligently following medical advice.  I am, however, resigned to the fact that either way, I am good with the end result.  I have made peace with my frailty and humanity and know that no matter how this plays out it is God's design.

Sure, I want to see my 90th birthday, walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding, hold my grandchildren and great grandchildren, see all my children well into their adulthood, love and hold my wife for a VERY VERY long time.  But if not, I know they will be well provided for through the steps I have taken financially and through the wonderful network of family and friends who will be there for them.

Just my thoughts today...aimless ramblings perhaps, but still part of the process of how my mind works.

Things I Would Like To See

I sit here thinking.

Not an unusual event for me, I think A LOT.

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed by thoughts and other times they are organized and perfectly in order.

Today, I am thinking about things I would like to see in my lifetime (in no particular order).

So, here goes...

1. Obviously, my 90th birthday would be great.
2. A book written by my wife (or in combination with her cyber sisters at Middle Places; the writing there is top notch)
3. My grandchildren, so I can spoil them to pay my children back. 
4. An earned (by me) finishers medal for a marathon in all 50 states (or at least 25 states).
5. Denmark, to get an idea of my heritage.
6. Italy, same reason.
7. Mt. Rushmore and Devil's Tower.  Different reasons, but both involve movies.
8. The "Blue Hole" in Belize from my scuba mask.
9. A cure for cancer, or at least less damaging treatments.
10. The smile in my beautiful wife's eyes (ok, what I want to see EVERYDAY not just once in my lifetime)

Simple man, simple pleasures.

Lost

This past weekend was a treatment weekend for me.  While, yes, chemo does in fact suck, I generally have little to complain about, as I am "cruising through it" (in the words of my Dr., and the chemo techs).  One thing I do not enjoy is the lost time. 

This past weekend, thanks to my new work schedule, on Thursday, I worked a 6 pm- 4:30 am shift and after work, and then drove the 170 miles into my treatment appointment (at 8:30 am Friday).  After the roughly 5 hour appointment which involves blood work then poisoning (and which I pulled a 3 hour nap during the poisoning since I am just sitting in a chair), I went to the Hope House (local hospice offering free temporary residence during treatment), and went back to sleep for the evening about 5:30 pm.  I woke up at 11 pm and was awake until about 6 am.  I pulled another short nap and woke about 10 am so I could drive home and be with the family.

This new schedule is not fun, as I feel lost on the weekends trying to get things accomplished.  I do not like the idea of losing complete days when I have things I would like to accomplish.

As you may know (if you are a frequent visitor here), I have chosen to attempt to cover a total of 2,013 miles this year for the Hope House and donate $1 for every mile I cover.  Part of that goal is to run 1,000 miles, with the rest made up bicycling throughout the year.  I am falling short of the running goal average so far, having covered a little over 50 miles so far.  I could choose to get angry or worked up about it, but I am choosing to relax and let it go, knowing that there are still 11 months to go and I have time.

As I was reading over at Middle Places (a blog written by my wife and several of her people) Monday, Dana wrote about mountains and mole hills.  She too is undergoing the 1,000 mile challenge and understands the idea.  Several quotes for you, "Little by Little, one travels far." JRR Tolkien and chinese proverb attributed to Lao Tzu "The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step."

I know I am falling short, but I know every day I get out there I am traveling further towards that goal.  I need to set aside the issues I am facing (particularly the peripheral neuropathy which is my main side effect of the chemo).  I just need to lace up the shoes and hit the door.  Get out and do something! Positive steps in the right direction will add up towards completion of this goal.

I have a 10K I hope to complete on February 23rd.  I have several 5K runs on back to back weekends the end of March.  I am hoping to be moving in the near future back to a teaching position at my component's basic academy.  I have a sprint triathlon scheduled for June 1, and a half and a full marathon towards the end of the year.  I just need God's go ahead on all these items and for Him to clear the path of resistance.  That is the ONLY way I will accomplish these goals.

The mileage goals, I do not consider a celebration of MY abilities.  I know I can only complete these successfully if God is assisting me.  I have a weakness, I do not see limitations as to what I can do and usually will go overboard and end up injured or burned out in trying to reach a goal.  I need God's guiding hand helping me to get where I want to be.  And having taken pretty much the entire last year off any type of training endeavor, I know I have a very long way to go to even come close to being physically fit enough to meet these goals.

That is, in part, where my desire to relocate comes in.  While I was working at my academy, I was part of a running group.  Participating in runs with them kept me motivated and on a schedule that allowed for rest and recovery.  In my head, I am thinking that I can get close to 70 miles for this moth with only 3 days left and about 18 miles down from that point.  I ran a spur of the moment 13.1 miles a little over 2 weeks ago, so what is 6-10 miles a day for the next three days? Probably too much.  I do not know if my PN battered feet could handle the pounding.  I do not know if my body needs that kind of stress.

I know I COULD do it, but it would be at a high price.   And that price might cause me to sacrifice the big picture.  I must remember the little by little.  I must work towards the goal with knowledge and common sense.  I must be careful and remember my weaknesses are there, not to limit me, but to help me make wiser choices.  God can use my weaknesses paired with His timing to make this happen.  I just need to slowly build up to where I need to be to make the longer runs more productive and less punishing.

Good Enough...

I have a pet peeve.

Sure, I know I have listed several throughout the months I have been writing here, but this one is pretty much the top of my list.  The phrase, "it's good enough for government work" drives me crazy.  Perhaps it is because I am a government employee.  Perhaps it is just how I was raised to not settle for "good enough."  Perhaps I just do not accept mediocrity.

In any case, I can not accept that statement.

As a young Christian, I was impressed by Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."  That means a lot to me. 

When we love someone, should we not do our best in everything we do for them? Should we not strive to excell in our actions? I want to live awesome.  I want to be awesome.  I want everything I do to have the stamp of approval that this was the VERY best I could come up with.

Sure, even when we do our best, sometimes we still fall short.  That is not the issue.  The issue is did I give it all I had?

When you read that verse, please notice that it ends in a comma.  It is not a complete statement.  Read the next verse to learn the Why?  "knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."

Did you see it?  It is the knowledge that what we do will be rewarded.  In this social miasma of "everybody wins," it is taking away the true meaning of the prizes we EARN.  Our children are being poisoned with the idea that we do not have to work to be rewarded.  They are seeing examples of people (and I am not slamming Lance Armstrong and all the good he did/does with LIVESTRONG) who cheat to get ahead and are rewarded.  It is hard to try to teach personal responsibility in this culture of self-esteem.

I have never really been the guy at work who does things in hopes of being noticed or recognized.  I truly do not care about that at all.  When I am recognized for a job well done, I am usually surprised since I am just doing my job.  I am grateful and appreciative, but it does not drive my performance.  I do what I do how I do it because it is how I would want others to do it if I was in charge.

While writing this post, I was reminded of an OLD song from the early days of Contemporary Christian Music by the group Petra, "Godpleaser."  Part of the lyrics follow:

I just want my life to glorify His Son

To make my Father proud that I'm His child before I'm done
No need to pat me on the back or stop to shake my hand
I just want to hear my Father say "Well done, well done"
I just want to hear my Father say "Well done"

To me, that is the ultimate reward and why I strive to perform at my highest level.