Right now, the theme is from James 1: 2-4, "Joy through the Trials/Tempations."
From the Amplified Bible:
Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation
NOT to call attention to myself or to make what I am going through seem greater than that of what any of you may be experiencing, but I think I have A LOT of perfecting to do based on what I feel of the weight of these things on me.
I put on a brave face. I have a wonderful public persona of the "Overcomer" when I am at the Dr.'s office or receiving chemo. I never let on that I am struggling sometimes. Ok, it is not a struggle with the physical. I have been quite blessed that the side effects with which I am dealing are generally light and, while inconvenient, not too bad (onset of Peripheral Neuropathy, cold sensitivity with beverages, minor mouth sores, general fatigue).
My greatest nemesis through all this, so far, has been the Chemo brain. It makes me hypersensitive to things emotionally (usually manifests through crying a lot over really nothing). I DO NOT like the feeling of being out of control. Chemo brain is a private hell, which unfortunately for those who are staying with me, I am sharing.
From the time I joined the military nearly 23 years ago, I have done much better with structure and schedules in my life than chaos. I KNOW I am not in control (God IS), and I have to relinquish my plans for His. I just would like some semblance of structure, in whatever little way I can.
My words are not really coming to me today (another issue with Chemo brain). Instead, I will refer you to a posting from this morning by another individual I read The Preachers Word by Ken Weliever. He stated it much more concisely than I am currently able to do. Please take a moment and visit his corner of the web.
Ken closed his post out with the following quote, attributed to anonymous. I think it is very fitting and sums up things nicely, so I will share it as well:
I asked God for strength and he gave me the difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and He gave me problems to solve.
I prayed for prosperity and God gave me the brain and brawn to work.
I requested courage, and He gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I prayed for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed.
Just remember to be thankful when you are confronting something. God has a plan in it, and it will be for your good.
Dear Lord, help me to understand that Your ways are better than my ways. I do not need to know why, just that You have placed these things in my life for a reason, and for my development. Thank You for knowing what I need before I even ask and providing it to me even when it is not what I have requested.