Saturday, November 10, 2012

Surprised By Joy (and Pain)

Some weeks are just too over the top for me.  This past week has been full.  Full of joy, and full of pain.  Full of many extra hours of work, and a surprising day of rest.  Full of tears, and full of smiles.  My cup runneth over on both ends of the spectrum.

Work has been very busy with multiple drug seizures and the discovery of a deceased person out in the middle of nowhere in our area.  I worked about 20 extra hours last week and was running on fumes by the time my "days off" arrived.

This was a treatment weekend, so after getting off work on Thursday I drove to Midland to the hospice to rest before my early morning appointment.  On Friday morning, I showed up early to treatment for my blood draw as is customary, then waited to see the Dr.  Sadly, the Dr. gave me the news I dread: "blood counts are too low for treatment this week, so we will schedule for next week."

There are several reasons it bothers me when I get this news.  First, I carefully arrange my work schedule to accommodate the treatment weekends without having to use sick leave.  Now, I have to rearrange things and use some leave to make it to my next rescheduled treatment.  Secondly, I can't understand the blood count issue.  I do not feel sick, nor do I experience any issues with clotting or getting sick due to depressed platelets and white blood cells.  I don't get it.  I feel fine, even the fatigue issue hasn't been bad this week.  The rejection from treatment did allow me to just chill out yesterday and rest.  I caught up on sleep and watched some Netflix.

Tuesday was the funeral for a Border Patrol Agent who dies on duty last Friday.  These situations always cause me to get emotional, even when I do not know the person.  We are all a big family and it is hard to hear of a sibling passing suddenly from natural causes when they appeared to be hardy and healthy like so many of us.

I haven't been on line much due to the extra hours, but when I did get a chance finally today to catch up on some things.  One thing I make a point to read is the Middle Places blog.  Sure, I admit it is because my wife writes their Thursday posts every week, and I am deeply in love with her (and her writing).  This week, she wrote about doubts caused by tough times.  She has a way of making me cry and making me love her more and more each week.  Stop by and check it out if you have the time.

Today, when I got home from Midland from the disappointing appointment, I was pleasantly surprised to see someone had cut my grass for me.  I was planning to do so upon returning home, but this allowed me a chance to do other things to prepare for the arrival of my wife and kids on Monday.  Thank you who ever you are!!!

As I just said, Monday my wife and kids are scheduled to arrive here for several weeks (through Thanksgiving and my last chemo treatment whenever that will be).  I am very excited for this visit.  I NEED them with me.  It gives me joy and I have missed them for so long.  Even though I have been  very blessed to see them often this year, it is never enough until they are with me forever again.  Additionally, I am hoping to remarry my wife while they are here.  It is the plan anyway.  I REALLY NEED her in my life since she is my rock, my sanctuary, my peace.  I love her!

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