And the winner is....

And the winner of the Labor Day Week Giveaway EXTRAVAGANZA is...

Drum roll please...

The tension is building...

Becky from Plant Based Mom!!  She will be receiving shortly, the $15 Starbucks gift card to spoil herself in the warm, wonderful goodness of Starbucks products.

Thank you all for participating and stay tuned for future giveaways as I deem them appropriate.

Parallel Worlds?

From 1995-2000, I enjoyed watching the Sci-Fi show "Sliders." (As well as reruns in syndication). The general premise is that as a result of a quantum physics experiment (ironically enough conducted in the basement of his mother's home), Dr. Quinn Mallory (Jerry O'Connell), his mentor Dr. Maxillian Arturo (John Rhys Davies), his girlfriend Wade Wells (Sabrina Lloyd), and an unsuspecting passer-by Rembrant Brown (Cleavant Derricks) are transported in a vortex to a parallel world.  Due to an series of incidents, the group loses the ability to control their destinations and are forced to "slide" between these parallel worlds in their effort to get home.

It was a decent show in the first seasons, though towards the end, the plot and stories, as well as the replacement cast tended to get weaker (IMHO).  What I always found interesting was the premise of the parallel worlds.  Generally, imagine that at the moment of your birth, every moment thereafter, every action, every decision, causes a split in reality which plays out the results in different realms.  Picture if you will: You are standing at a fork in the road.  You decide to go left.  In your reality, you go left and follow through with that decision... In the parallel world, you go right and reality is then based on that decision.  Each choice causes a new reality to come into being.

The implications are staggering.  7 billion people on the planet making thousands of decisions and actions a day.  The amount of potential parallel worlds is incalculable. (For me at least)

I was reading through some news articles the other morning and came across this one.  If you have read much of my writing, you know I occasionally fall into "Geek" mode and explore topics which are a bit outside the realm of everyday life (and tend to be a bit obscure).  This article deals with a current "discovery" of the potentiality of parallel universes: is the Many Worlds theory realized?

While I highly doubt the truth of this concept due to my Judeo-Christian worldview which states that God is in control of all decisions and actions, I am intrigued.  (Yes, there is free will, but nothing surprises God as He is omnipotent).  Bible verses which support this view:

Pslam 37:23 (KJV)

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way."

Romans 8:29 (KJV)

"For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren."

Romans 8:30 (KJV)

"Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified."

Ephesians 1:5 (KJV)

"Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,"

Ephesians 1:11 (KJV)

"In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:"

The LAST conversation I would want to initiate here, due to the strong views on either side in a full on debate of Calvanistic views. (Linked to a concise explanation of TULIP).

I know God is in control.  He has shown that to me time and time again, especially of late.  Just to imagine the possibility of the parallel divergent worlds is intriguing, even though it is contrary.  I do not wish it to become a fixture in my mind which would lead to doubt of the truth I hold near and dear, but I would hope there is a world out there where I don't make so many poor decisions. 

I would like to see that world.

Dear Lord, You are in  control.  You have ordered my steps and allowed me to stray many times.  I have been chastened for these decisions and have been drawn back to You.  Your ways are not my ways, and who can know Your plans.  Lord, lead me and guide me home.

I admit it, I'm needy.

Total Honesty Time.

I am a sad, desperate, needy creature.

There, I said it.  Whew, what a relief getting that off my chest.

I am starving for love.  I get lonely in this home all alone when everything I love is many miles away.

As many of you are aware, I am undergoing chemotherapy for Stage IV colon cancer.  One of the wonderful (italicized to indicate sarcasm) gifts that come with chemotherapy is Chemo Brain, the semi-uncontrollable emotions and occasional short term memory issues the poisons bring.

I am usually an emotional wreck for several days post treatment.  Now that I am back to work again after 3 months off, I do my best to NOT think about things which could potentially trigger an emotional outpouring (usually manifested through crying like a toddler).  In order to assist me in combating this issue, I have started hand-copying the Psalms in a composition notebook to help my mind focus on something which calms and strengthens me.  Granted, I started at Psalm 1 and am writing them out in order as the need arises, but I tend to read Psalms often to help me focus as well.

Today, I was reading Psalm 86; in particular, verses 1-5 (KJV):

"Bow down thine ear, O Lord, hear me: for I am poor and needy. Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee.  Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily.  Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee."

After reading this and thinking about it for a bit and how very applicable it is to my current condition, the inner voice in my head (the one which can actually carry a tune) was singing the hymn "I Need Thee Every Hour."

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;Every hour I need Thee;O bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee. 

Lyrics by Annie Hawks, Music by Robert Lowry

This song sums up my needs.

I need Thee, Lord.  I am powerless to do this on my own.  Only You can strengthen me to face this.  I am a small child crying for my Father to hold me.  I am lost and needing direction, and only You can light my way.

The First Commission

One of the current shifts in the Christian Church universe is the move from program centered to people centered.  Churches who are undergoing this shift have been dubbed "missional" churches.  But what exactly does this term mean?

Relatively short answer for a complex question:

"Jesus told us to go into all the world and be his ambassadors, but many churches today have inadvertently changed the "go and be" command to a "come and see" appeal. We have grown attached to buildings, programs, staff and a wide variety of goods and services designed to attract and entertain people.

"Missional is a helpful term used to describe what happens when you and I replace the "come to us" invitations with a "go to them" life. A life where "the way of Jesus" informs and radically transforms our existence to one wholly focused on sacrificially living for him and others and where we adopt a missionary stance in relation to our culture. It speaks of the very nature of the Jesus follower."
---Rick Meigs

As Christians, we should all be familiar with the "Great Commission" in Mathew 28: 16-20.  Our command to "go therefore, and teach all nations..."  But the spirit of the missional movement starts at home. 

In Mark 5:1-20, we read the story of the Demoniac in the tombs of Gardarenes.  After Jesus had cast out the Legion, he commanded the man in verse 19 to:

"Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee."

This was a very missional statement.  Go home.  It has to start at home: with you, your spouse, your children.  Take responsibility for the spiritual well-being of your loved ones.  Men, lead your family!

From there, take responsibility for your neighbors and friends, be the example and do not pass on the opportunity to share the grace of God and the wonders He has worked in your life.  Pray for them daily and share their burdens.  Build a community around you of like-minded individuals, but not to the exclusion of the rest of the world.  While we are called to separate ourselves and be the "peculiar" people of God, we are never commanded to ignore the world around us and our spiritual responsibilities.

For more information on the "Missional Church," refer to Friends of Missional.

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for my inattention to your will.  Help me to reach those around me in a way meaningful to Your desires.  Help me start at home to be the man, husband, and father you desire.  Help me to care for and love my nieghbors and friends and demonstrate You to them.

Ctrl+Alt+Del

The keyboard combination of Ctrl+Alt+Del is one of the most useful  key combinations you can know if you use a Windows based system.  It will bring you to a menu where you can lock your computer, switch user, log off/restart, change a password, or start task manager.

Windows used to have a pretty bad reputation (I know Apple people and others, it still does) as far as system reliability.  The dreaded Blue Screen of Death would surprise users out of nowhere causing them to apply the Three-fingered Salute as the key-stroke has also been dubbed, sometime multiple times during the day.  I know I mentioned much of this in my first post Reboot, so I will not rehash it too much more.

Today, I am going to discuss a different application for Ctrl+Alt+Del.  I have seen it titled the "Just Three Steps to Enjoy Life."

1. Ctrl- Control yourself.
2. Alt-Look for Alternatives.
3. Del-Delete the situations which give you trouble.

Let's take a look at these "steps" one at a time.

1.  Control yourself. Titus 2:11-13 (NIV):

"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ."

Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

Are you seeing that? The grace of God teaches us to say "No."  We have a way out! The grace of God has our backs.  We can do this!!

2. Look for Alternatives. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV):

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

God will not allow you to face anything you can't handle, or if you do, there is a way out.  So look for the Alternative solutions, there is always one there, God IF faithful to provide one.  You just have to look for it.

3.  Delete the situations which give you trouble.  1 Thessalonians 5:22 (NIV):

"Abstain from all appearance of evil."

Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

If you are doing everything you can to abstain from/avoid  the appearance of evil, you will avoid the situations which would cause you to stumble.  God wants us to maintain a solid testimony for Him.  If we are hanging out in places we should not be (because it causes us to stumble), how are we keeping up our testimony? Even if we do not stumble, the appearance of our behavior will harm it.

Dear Lord, teach me to understand that I DO NOT HAVE TO SIN.  You love us and desire our holiness.  You have set us apart for You.  You have provided us ALL we need to know to avoid temptation, sin, and the very appearance of evil for Your sake.  Thank You for loving us so much that You would keep us from harm.

Rejoice and be glad!

Beautifully Human

I will readily admit I am not a "creative" type.  Sure, I have done some art, poetry, creative writing, and music, but it is always mimicry or license with the creativity of others.  I rarely come up with something creative which is of even mediocre quality.  I had to write out my "improvised" trumpet solos in High School.

Any way, on that note, I have had a very sensitive ear (or eye) lately and have heard (or read) a phrase or two, or heard a particular song, which motivates me to write something.  Today's post title "Beautifully Human" is a phrase which 'Chelle over at "Treat Me To A Feast" has used several times recently. The phrase comes from the title of Jill Scott's second CD "Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Volume 2."   I have told her I am greatly attracted to that phrase and will probably use it in a post.  Well, 'Chelle, here it is.  Hope I do it justice.

When I heard the phrase, I was instantly reminded of Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."

New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

As well as Job 10:8-12 (GNT):

"Your hands formed and shaped me, and now those same hands destroy me.  Remember that you made me from clay; are you going to crush me back to dust? You gave my father strength to beget me; you made me grow in my mother's womb.  You formed my body with bones and sinews and covered the bones with muscles and skin.  You have given me life and constant love, and your care has kept me alive."

 Good News Translation (GNT) Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society

And also Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV):

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.

I love these verses since they let us ALL know that God had an integral part in forming who each one of us is.  Without His input and creativity I can't imagine what I would be, nor do I wish to try.  I know I am flawed, but the flaws are a result of the choices I have made, and NOT due to the design God had for me.  God's design was perfect.

I must accept the fact that everyone was created perfect, and it is their choices which have made them who they currently are (for the good and the bad).  We were given free will for just this reason, to be individuals who have to choose to accept God's love, mercy, and grace.  God would have it no other way, he had previously created the angels and cherubim and seraphim which were not given the free will to choose this (though they could get prideful as we know Lucifer did).  But then, don't we all...

The angels and cherubim and seraphim were created before man, in the period of infinity past (before the creation when there was nothing but GOD).  He created them for one purpose, to give Him praise.  They were created only for that purpose so they were probably not created in God's image, but solely according to His purpose.  Once He created the earth and decided to populate it, He purposed to create something better than the angels and cherubim and seraphim: man and woman.  Wow!

I must see the Creator in the creation, regardless of the flaws which may be evident.  God loves that person, and so should I.  The choices we make, flaws and all, are part of what makes us beautifully human.

Rejoice and be glad.

Friday Scare

Left is an allergic reaction to peanuts as portrayed on the TV show "Big Bang Theory."  I have never seen nor experienced a full on case of anaphylaxis.  As an EMT (one of my collateral duties), I have been trained to deal with them and recognize them.

On Friday (8/31) I was undergoing my 6th of 12 chemo treatment for this cycle.

I am on a protocol of:

Modified FOLFOX6
Leucovorin 400 mg/m2 iv over 2 hrs before 5-FU d1
5-FU 400 mg/m2 iv bolus d1 followed by 2400 mg/m2 iv over 46 hrs
Oxaliplatin (Eloxatin) 85 mg/m2 iv d1
Q2w x 12 cycles
AND
Avastin, though I do not have the delivery info handy.

Anyway, when the Oxaliplatin started, I began to feel a little tickle in my throat.  It became steadily worse until I began having a hot flash starting from my chest and spreading to my arms.  Then the first nausea of my treatment started, but attempting to let that go would have been a disaster since my throat had closed a pretty good bit.

I tried to gut it out because I was not quite sure what was going on and thought I would be ok.  Well, I decided to tell my nurse, and she immediately stopped the flow of meds, and started 2 lpm O2 via nasal cannula.  After a few minutes of monitoring me (during which the hives began to develop on my arms and chest), she called my Dr to inform her and get a course of action.

I was maintaining my outward cool and calm, but inwardly I was scared and praying.

Long story short, I was administered Benadryl through iv and things cleared up pretty quick.  My Dr came out and explained to me that this was a possibility due to the fact Oxaliplatin may not totally metabolize and will build up in the system (usually around treatment 6 or 7).  A mild allergic reaction can result.

To me, this was  information I would have liked to have ahead of time.  Everything worked out, though my appointments will now be longer, since the delivery of the Oxaliplatin will be slower to help avoid the reaction.  Sigh, today I was among the first in and was the last out of treatment: long time sitting there getting poisoned.

Just keeping you all informed and letting you know I am not a superman.  I get scared.  I understand my mortality (and immortality).  I was not scared for my life, I was scared that I do not currently have anyone with me to assist if things go bad.  Sure, I could get assistance from work, but I would ultimately not want that. 

It also makes me realize I seriously need to get busy getting things in order for the contingency of me not being around or available to close out my affairs and NOT get messed over by state laws.  I need a will.  I need to reevaluate all my beneficiaries.  I need to make this happen for my (x)wife and children's sake.

Sorry the tone and message is not quite what I normally post, but I felt this was an important post to update you on my status.  I am working on several posts in the realm of my usual genre, so stay tuned (barring extreme chemo brain).  They will be out shortly.