Sunday, July 29, 2012

Not Afraid

My taste is music is extremely eclectic.  I can listen to and enjoy almost anything, depending on my activity or my mood.  Tonight while I was out walking, I was listing to some music and thinking.  I had created a playlist from my music library that is geared towards running when I can consistently make that happen again.

While I was enjoying the music, the song "Not Afraid" by eminem came on.  Now I am not particularly a huge fan of eminem, but the last part of that song just struck me this evening.

Basically it is a song about eminem's struggle and journey towards recovery from addiction, to which on some small level I can relate.

Not Afraid

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
To take a stand, to take a stand
Everybody, everybody
Come take my hand, come take my hand

We'll walk this route together through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just lettin' you know that you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons
I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Tryin' to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realize what you did, believe me you

I've been through the ringer, but take it through little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef flingers

No more drama, from now on I promise to only focus
On handlin' my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn't lift a single shingle on it

The verses that really got my attention were the third from last and last printed here.  I can understand quite well what he is saying here in the third from last.  The changes I made in my life were changes I knew I needed to make and I made them based on my desires; however, I knew the changes needed to be made if I was ever to attain my primary goal of recovering my family and my wife.

In the last verse, he (like me) knows he needs to focus on being a father.  That is one of many areas I failed.  I figured that I had a job, that took precedence.  I know better now, especially realizing the things I have missed.

So I will admit an eminem song (and a bit of chemo brain) had me sobbing during my walk.  Sometimes, a message can come from anywhere.  Who would have thunk it?


  1. Great post! I agree, we never know when those messages will hit. I honor you for sharing your journey here and doing what it takes to get your life back. Run on!

    1. Thank you Minette. It is cathartic to write and hope I can help (or at least warm) someone else through the mistakes I have made (still make).

  2. Well, I never woulda thunk it, that's for sure. My playlists are rarely so eclectic as to include rappers, but these are some powerful words. Messages really can come from anywhere, though we are not always wise enough to heed them. I wish you the very best on your journey back to your family.