Wednesday, October 3, 2012
31 Days, Day 3
It went well, though I am feeling very fatigued. I do not associate it with the transition to a plant based diet, since I know I am getting sufficient quantities of calories as well as carbs. I think it has to do with not sleeping well and the meds/poisons coursing through my veins due to the cancer. Of course, added to it is the fact that I am highly unmotivated to perform any form of exercise.
Breakfast (4:30 a.m.): Banana
Mid morning snack (7:30 a.m.): Peach
Late morning snack (9:30 a.m.): Peach
Lunch (11:50 a.m.): Brown rice and black beans
Late afternoon snack (5:00 p.m.): Fresh guacamole, tortilla chips, and a tomato
Dinner (6:15 p.m.): Homemade veggie soup (potatoes, purple cabbage, carrots, asparagus, tomatoes, celery, zucchini, tofu, veggie stock). Barley added.
In all, a successful day in this journey. [Note: you may notice that my "menu" repeats quite a bit. Simply because I currently live alone, when I cook it is easier to make batches.]
Now on to a totally different, unrelated topic:
In a little over a week, I am heading to Georgia to spend time with my (x)wife and my children. In July they met me in Houston for about a week at my father's home, and in August, they came out here for three weeks to visit.
While in Houston, she and I began pursuing a relationship again, and while they were here, it went very well. The ultimate game plan is to be together again, but my current living arrangements are too small for the six of us on a permanent basis. There is additionally a housing shortage here so anything bigger is VERY difficult to find. I am attempting to transfer back to Artesia, New Mexico and back to my last position, where I was happy doing what I was doing.
Anyway. I am scared. I fear that I will in some way screw this up. I know that it is just negative thoughts that I need to rebuke, but they keep revisiting the past. I love my (x)wife more than I ever thought possible and I want this more than I can explain. But I am just scared.
Please pray for the following:
1. I don't screw things up and stop dealing with the negative thoughts. Just allow me to love my wife and kids in ways I have failed to in the past.
2. My blood counts. The main reason I transitioned to plant-based. Let them be restored to "normal" levels so the chemo can continue to finish this cycle. And that the combination of this cycle of chemo and the plant based transition eliminate the need for further "aggressive" chemo and surgery is possible to eliminate the tumors for which surgery is possible.
3. My motivation. I have so little these days, based on fatigue and dissatisfaction at work. I need the transfer back to where I was last happy working (even though it was a position which contributed to my divorce-it was not alone).