Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Mourning Sky...

Cloudy skies on the day my heart
breaks again (for a little while).
The picture to the right is one I took this morning.  Just the morning sky which for me today is the "mourning sky."  This morning my (x)Wife and children departed and began the trek back to GA.  It was a dry-eyed departure since I was under orders not to cry.  Thankfully, the kids were tired (so they would sleep on the drive some) and no one cried because that would have made me violate my orders.

Last night Son #3 (9y.o.) was very sad about their imminent return and his separation from me.  He is usually the very level emotionally stable one, but was also a Daddy's boy growing up.  He lost a tooth yesterday and gave it to me.  I told him I was going to plant it and try to grow me one of him for my house.  It was a cute little joke and he appreciated it.

Ok, enough of the sentimental stuff, that will only make me think about it more and lead to violating my prime directive for the day.
They are driving away. 

The good in this departure is that we are a step closer to me seeing them again (aiming for October). And, hopefully, a step closer in the recreation of this family into one unit.  The plan is for me to visit GA in between my chemo treatments.  It will be only about 10 days, but I (we) will make the most of what we have available.  I am looking very forward to then, though not at the price of missing out on what I need to do daily here for me (exercise, eat right, take care of my health, feed my spirit) or what steps she and I have decided to take together while we are apart (C25K, Through the Bible in 90 Days, general prayer and communication).

In all, this visit was very productive for us as a family and as a couple. I look forward to what the future holds for us.

This entire situation calls to mind a Bible verse that basically talks about being "love sick" when apart from the target of your affection, Proverb 13:12 (KJV):
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
Hope is good.  Having something to look forward to helps us get through our day.  But endless waiting when it seems the goals is never drawing closer, is agonizing.

I was reading an analysis of this verse recently and the author spoke of a Nazi experiment during WW II.  Jewish "prisoners of war" would dig a large hole and pile the dirt in one location.  The next day they would be instructed to move the pile of dirt to a new location.  This would happen day after day.  The result was that prisoners would see the futility of the exercise and would die at a faster rate than other who were given productive work that had a clearly defined end state and goal.

I have hope.  I have a goal in mind.  I have set minor benchmarks along the way to keep hope alive.  I just await the final end state, and then all will be well (when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life).  I don't mean everything will be perfect or that the work will be over; just that having the target with me, life will be better and the longing will be over.

Lord, thank you for the wonders You have worked in our lives and our life together.  Only You can heal the hurts of the past.  Your plans are wonderful and your works awesome.  Please grant safety in the travel of my family to their home.  Grant us peace that we will be together again soon.  Your love for us is amazing.  Your plans are better than our plans. Thank you.

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